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> > > >Matt:  It's not that you're not allowed, but that tranquillity--the more you actively engage [i]and allow yourself to be fully consumed by that content[/i]--disappears.  And there's a difference between say, feeling joy, and [b]feeling joy.[/b]  Right, so when anger arises, we meet it immediately, and before dealing with its content, we recognize that there's anger within us, and the practices of compassion and loving kindness allow us to handle the content of that anger.  Think of it more as moderately consuming your emotions as opposed to being ruled by them.   
> > > > 
> > > > One of the key signs of a good teacher in Buddhism is in how gently they interact with even brash people.  You have to be quite selfless (in both senses of the word) not to get agitated into unskillful behavior.  Remember what I said about how deeper stages of meditation naturally last longer and longer, that's where this test comes from.  Alright, gotta handle the rest of your comments...
> > > 
> > > Turell:  A good explanation for it. We are so different. I feel no need for what you do.
> > 
> > Matt: To be clear, I never felt the need for it myself.  I was perfectly happy being a fairly rote materialist.  What happened was in 2017 my job took a turn for the worst and I was suffering from panic attacks just walking in the building.  
> > 
> > The counselor on the crisis line started walking me through breathing techniques to calm myself and I [i]immediately [/i]recognized this as the first stage of Buddhist meditation.  Recall that I'd been studying Buddhism since 2003 with occasional practice efforts at Soto and Kwan Um Zen centers.  
> > 
> > When I realized that the meditation techniques worked to handle crisis-level anxiety I resolved then and there to just throw in my lot with the local monastery.  It seemed to make sense to practice it not just during crisis but all the time in avoidance of crisis.  Not at all different from why I exercise to avoid a potential heart attack.  (I'm in good health, I just aim to keep it that way.)  
> > 
> > I feel no compulsion to do this, but I [i]am [/i]very welcome for everything it has taught me about myself.  FWIW all my english-language brothers and sisters who practice also have similar experiences with the mind that I have described here over the last week.  I'm not an outlier.
> 
> It's no wonder how your history went, from an early interest to full use. Mine was deterministic from age three, some sort of doctor.